I can't remember

She called you little baby
You named her your buttinsky
She said I love you
You said I need you
You said I'm eating whipped cream to fight the loneliness, want to
come over? want to
sleep over? I need you
I need you
I need you
I need you
She asked do I have to wear clothes?
You said no.

The picture you texted me that night,
the picture of your face
that I love, that I said Aww, hello there love I miss you
she must have read my mind
because she, too, she said, Aww, hello handsome I miss you.

And I cant remember
if hearts break
from hypertrophy or fail
because they are weak.


(11.28.15)

I miss you here

I miss you here, you
a thousand shards of light,
while I bottle up rainbows--
the energy condensed will explode
---

your love is a windup clock,
I turn the gears, synchronize
my needs with your highs,
curb my cries on your lows
-----

when your drink is bourbon on ice,
my drink is your coming
and leaving

me
to silence.


(anodyne 10/25)

promise of the end

I would like to welcome death,

hang a banner on my door,

prepare a feast,

write a poem

for an old friend whose forgiveness I seek.

But I am afraid to tell you,

afraid that you will be afraid

to see the gentle promise
that death brings.

Because I can love you

and leave you at the same time,

this life in which I do not fit
 there isn't enough time

to dig up all the dirt in my garden
to pay back the debts I owe,
the loves I needed and destroyed
the bodies I touched and breathed in and touched and breathed in again every time
 I work my fingers deep into the earth,
this life of coming
                               and
                                            going.

what's wrong with leaving
this world

at once too much and insignificant?

I leave it each morning

I get to wake up with you,

each night with the cool breeze moving
through the windows,
 across a sky so dark space

is just the beginning,
what a relief
when time stops counting in days
stops being lost or wasted
on measures of things.
instead it just is. and I just am
together we exist until
we don't. that is death's gentle
promise.